and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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