I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
