Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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