So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize