Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
