Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
