Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
