How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The air was thick with penises
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
