perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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