i barfeds in our rink
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
