dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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