I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
