i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
