Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I still have a little drunk in my system
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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