I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
