possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
