Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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