Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am available for nakedness
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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