im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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