We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
