p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
