Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
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P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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