census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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