my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
