Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
