some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?