Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.