Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector