how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT