why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15