I wish life had little blips of pornography
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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