I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
