I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
