I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
