Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
this boner is exhausting
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.