Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision