yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?