jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
