True but thats because hes a fetus.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
