I got chris browned last night
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
So. Much. Porn.
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