You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drunk is not a location!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
