NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
