He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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