just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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