he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
