My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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