Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
