I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
