Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
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Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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