Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
