I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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