They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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