i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
