I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
