Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
