I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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