They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You are the jesus of drinking
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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