Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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