Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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