Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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