I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
