alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
