I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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