Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
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Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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