what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
