i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I checked into jail on foursquare
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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