I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
